I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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