my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just googled if crying burns calories
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
