So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
