I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize