I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
