I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
