Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
