There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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