last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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