I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize