are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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