The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
