You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
