Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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