Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
