So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
