I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
