Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
