Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
