Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
