Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
