hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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