I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
