Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
