I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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