you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
