I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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