I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
