You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
