He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
