Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
