Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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