I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
