I will die if light touches me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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