So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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