batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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