Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
