Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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