I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
