I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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