Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
