I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
