How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
