11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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