Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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