no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize