i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
