just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
