FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
