i think my mom watched the whole time
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
