We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
