All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
