If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize