I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
