I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
