I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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