His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize