Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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