Can i not drive my cunt home
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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