I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
