I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
