We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
