Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
