We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize