Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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