she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
