I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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