You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
