I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
