When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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