Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You are the jesus of drinking
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
