i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she told me i tasted like america
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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