I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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