i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
