your parents love me but you hate me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
