My pussy is not your playground.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
