You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
