Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
